Technology and Brutal Honesty

As a teen, there are many things that are shown to us on a daily basis that those of past generations would not even believe. We are exposed to our families being torn apart (so much so that it's almost strange when a family is intact), our every word being shared with the world instantaneously through social media - and the ability of anyone and everyone to comment back on those shared thoughts, and of course the media itself.

Us teens have become so connected with the world that we've become blind to the wrongs that occur every single day and we've blocked out our family morals and values so as to adhere to a social norm. It's become okay and socially acceptable to talk about how ugly you feel. A common greeting in my high school was, "Hi, slut!" It wasn't meant to be condescending, and I think it may actually be helping the epidemic of teen suicides and the generally low quota of self esteem.

Hear me out. I used to have many a problem with self esteem. Yes, it's true. To be totally honest, I still struggle sometimes. However, I believe that I've been helped by the social phenomenon of brutal honesty. Prior to this movement, if I felt ugly I would take a razor blade to my wrist and tell my story in blood. After this movement, I snapchat a terrible picture of myself to my best friends and say, "I'm so ugly".

You may be thinking, well, how does this help? Plain and simple. The response I receieve back is either a good friend saying "No you're not" with an accompanying picture of sympathy, or an equally grotesque face saying, "Me too!". Technology and the every growing social phenomenon of total honesty have created a way for teens to feel like they are not alone. It's become okay to dress like a bum because you don't feel like getting ready. It's become okay to have a bad day. It's okay to cry in public. It's okay to celebrate good things.

I Don't Know What I Want

Seriously. I can't. I don't know what I want to do with my life. Do I want money? Do I want recognition? Do I want a family? Do I want a puppy or a kitten or a fish or a crocodile? Do I want to live in the city or the country?

Can someone please tell me what I want?

Check out my new blog!!

http://gl0rydays.wordpress.com/

Lent

I wonder if you can add things instead of give things up for lent. Can you say "I'm going to drink 8 glasses of water each day"? I don't know.

Senior Trip! + Questions

S0. I've been thinking. My senior trip is tomorrow. How did what I've been looking forward to for the longest time totally sneak up on me?? Its TOMORROW for Christ's sake. Also, I've been thinking about starting a blog diary about my life in college. Maybe starting this summer and going for four years. Its easier to type, and maybe I'll print out the entire blog one day so I can save a hard copy in case the entire internet fails (which would suck). I wish there was a way to print out the entire contents of your tumblr/pinterest so you'd have a hard copy of all your inspirational materials right with you. Someone should make that happen. Kind of like a memoir.

Drugs #2

So I've smoked weed for the second time today. It was only two hits off a bowl, but I do feel a bit more relaxed. I weeded most of the garden today. I have a really sore throat. :( I know its weird, but I always feel like Lisbeth Salander when I use a phone with a slidey keyboard to type, especially on a blog, because she used hers to type her entire autobiography. J and I are out getting pesticides for the lawn. He called mom and told her he did it before he actually did it, that way he could guage her reaction and decide if it was worth it. Smart. He's pretty intuitive of human psychology, actually. Although I would never tell him that, because he'd lord it over my head forever and always. Haha.

Seventeen will be such a glorious age,

So much is known, yet there is so much

left to be learned.

The girl in the yellow dress thought

She knew all about life, hers and others

One awful moment

and she saw the rest of her life was played out in detail

She knew how it would go, she knew how it

would end.

Seventeen is such a glorious age to be

So much is perfect, yet there is so much

beauty in imperfection.

The girl in the yellow dress thought

she was the best she would ever be,

the most beautiful,

the most intelligent, the most mysterious.

She decided to stay seventeen forever,

immortalized.

Seventeen was a glorious age,

so much was decided, yet there were so many

decisions to be made.

The girl in the yellow dress didn’t think anymore,

and pushed down harder on the cold blade

on her veins.

Remembered by the world as a queen,

a girl almost as perfect as the straight lines

on her wrists.

Late Nights, Truth Is, and Netflix

I'm watching "The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo" and listening to "Christmas Shoes" and answering  my truth is's. Ugh, being a teenager in the 21st century sometimes sucks. I sometimes wish I lived in the 19th century. I would be married by now, men would like plus size girls, and all I'd have to do is cook and clean. It requires so much less thought. I always wonder if it's the times today that make crime so much more prevalent or if it's the people. If we did live in the 19th century, I wonder if so many people would be killed or not. Is there a way that society could get back to a time where the bad were punished and children were safe and no one got bombed?

High School

This is a terribly nostalgic post here, guys. Today I realized that more than half of my last year in high school is over. I've wondered about this moment all of my life: what I would feel like, who I would be friends with, where I would be going to college. Let's face it, I wasn't exactly popular in middle school. I wished with all my heart that I would be liked by the general population. Not even popular, just liked. Not hated. I'm so happy to say that that has come true. Yes, I have changed, but I feel no less myself than I did in middle school. I have just decided on a college - Marywood University. Maybe I'll create another blog purely about my process and adventures in the world of college. Comment if you'd read that?

Coachella 2013

So to basically torture myself about how I'm not at Coachella, here is everything Coachella that I wish I was doing.




Well, there's more, but that's the general idea. Maybe one day I'll get enough money and parental permission to do these wonderful things with my life.

Funny of the Day

Plus - Size Models

I'm sure we can all agree, she's gorgeous.

However, she's a size 18 plus size model. I am a size 18, and I WISH I looked like that. I wish. 

So Many Things Wrong With My Life

Super long title for a terribly depressing blog post, yay!

I have spent my day today sweating in an auditorium with 100 people, then sweating on the stage of that auditorium with 250 people. Then, I went to Wawa and bought a giant bag of Smartfood popcorn. Then I drove my friend home. Then I went into my room and ate half the huge fucking bag of popcorn. Then I got sick. Then I ate chocolate. Then I almost fell asleep. Then I called off work. Then I fell asleep for like 3 hours. Then I woke up feeling like shit, so I went downstairs and heated up chinese food to eat. (Because that makes sense). Then I practiced my parts for my church choir's Easter music. Then I watched that show about the amish people with my mom. Then it was 10, so I went upstairs and watched videos on college advice for about two hours. Now it's 12:20 am and I still haven't really felt tired. I have school tomorrow. Then work. I'm going to kill myself. Just kidding. I'm just going to feel sick to my stomach and maybe cry.

Rules of Subway

To all the idiotic members of society who come into Subway... I have written up a set of rules for you to follow, because apparently basic knowledge of sandwiches and common courtesy is too much to expect from today's populace. I've even divided it into categories, just so you all can keep up.

Biggest point: Please remember that I am a full time student, and have a part time job. I have many many things on my mind. I am working this minimum wage job with people who don't speak my language so I can buy clothing, new shoes, and sheets for my college dorm next year. I don't hate you, I just hate the job. I will hate you if you are stupid. See rules below.

Making your sandwich:

1. Speak loudly and clearly.
2. Ask me how my day is going. This will make me much less likely to screw up your sandwich.
3. Don't come up and tell me what you think is your entire order, because you have forgotten something, and I won't remember. Instead, say your order in parts. Example: "Hi, miss. How are you? I'm fine, thank you. May I have a Sweet Onion Chicken Teriyaki on a footlong Honey Oat bread?" PAUSE "Toasted, with swiss cheese." PAUSE "Lettuce, green peppers, tomatoes, sweet onion sauce, and oregano, please." See how that works?
4. Don't complain unless I've done something to your sandwich that makes it inedible, i.e. put a shoelace in there, or put mayo on a lactose intolerant person's sub. The spinach sometimes turns a very dark green (almost black) because it is in the fridge. It's perfectly edible. 
5. If you order Honey Oat bread and every single vegetable, it's going to break apart. Don't you dare get mad at me for that.
6. If I toast your bread, it's going to fall apart. It's crunchy, for god's sake. 

Cash register:

1. I know it's difficult to remember, but give me your Subway card before your credit card or cash. I can't run it through the computer program after I have completed your sale. I can't "look it up with the phone number", because you don't give a phone number to get a Subway card in the first place. If you really want the 2 points on your card, you can go to the website and register your card, and plug in the receipt details.
2. Wait until I give you your receipt, napkins, and cups to leave. If I forget something, quietly and politely remind me, and I will gladly give you the item I forgot.

Common courtesy / General Rules:

1. Don't fucking yell at me to get my attention. 
2. I don't get paid enough to remember your fucking order.
3. LOOK AT THE PRICES ON THE BOARD. Don't ask me the price for a six inch BMT, look at the board that's facing you, not me, and figure it out for yourself.

Poem

I found this on the interwebs, thought you might like it.

your cell phone vibrates like a pixie on a train.
smooth as a glass baby's
loose Blue Tooth
in Vaseline
you were miles away from my empty pail of rain
a watermark on the moon, maybe
you knew every
thing ?
maybe you do, maybe i'm drinking my lunch.
you amuse the air i breathe through my skin
like a pearl soothes an oyster
in a bed of nails 
and spring.

your breasts are amazing.

you are vishnu at harrods. an airy gorgeous. 
a gourd of palpable kiss.
you are the meaning of senseless joy 
and the engines 
of yes.

Late Night #1

So sick of mean people. Why can't you have a normal conversation and expect basic decency from both parties anymore? Is the idea of courtesy so antiquated that the thought of cutting sarcasm out of your conversations is too much to ask? Maybe technology has made us this way. It is hard to convey emotions and context via media, especially IM or texting.

Books vs. E-Readers

So we have two main ways to enjoy literature: the book, and the e-book. I am unbiased when it comes to this topic: a book has a charm that an e-book cannot replicate, and an e-book has a practicality that a book cannot replicate.

Scenario: THE BEACH
You're in a sundress, sitting on a towel, toes in the sand. What do you want? A book. How do you want your book? A real book. Why? Unless the wind ruffling through the pages of a novel bothers you too much, the romance of reading a book on the beach is irreplaceable. Pros: romance, no chance of sand damage, easy to share. Cons: book can get wet, your pages ruffle, people can see what you're reading.

Scenario: COLLEGE
You're in a lecture hall, told to turn to page 458 of your psychology textbook. One hour later, you're on a city bus to go get some more toothpaste and towels, and you need to finish chapter 14 of the latest John Greene novel. Two hours later, you need new hairstyles for a night out with your best friends. What do you want? An e-reader loaded with your textbooks, novels, and magazines. Why? Instead of taking up precious space in your dorm room, you can tote around a small tablet. Pros: you can turn to certain pages in your textbooks quicker, you don't need to dog-ear your books, and you can search the magazines for keywords. Cons: a target for delinquent thieves, especially while out and about.

Two different cases, two different answers. I believe that hard copies and an e-reader would be beneficial. Here is a video guide to purchasing an e-reader.

Blog Finder

I really enjoy reading other people's thoughts on life. I would like to think that that is why you're reading this right now, as well. Blogs are a wonderful tool to share thoughts with anyone and everyone instantaneously. However, it's not that easy to find blogs. Sites like stumbleupon have made it easier to discover new internet material, but that's not just blogs. Google blog search helps, too, but isn't what I'm thinking of. What if stumbleupon teamed up with Google blog search to create the ultimate blog search: an engine you could plug your general tastes into, that would output all different types of blogs, not searchword specific.

New Day

What if there was a new day in between Saturday and Sunday? When no one killed, no one hurt, no one died, no one worked, no one lied, no one hungered, no one cried?

What if all of humanity agreed to live in harmony for one day a week? Would they return more eager for vengeance, or would the day of nonviolence change them somehow? Would they deny their inherent human nature, or would they embrace it with even more vigor after being deprived of the ability to commit violent acts, even for as short of a period as a day?

Dieting

My lack of success with dieting must be contributed to something. My PCOS should be managed with metformin, and diet and exercise. Lack of recipes, lack of time to make the recipes, lack of dedication, too much access to unhealthy foods, lack of willpower, lack of time to exercise? What is it?

Recipes To Try:
hamburgers stuffed with jalapenos and cream cheese
turkey blt lettuce wraps

Motivation:
easy ways to cut carbs

To Do:
keep healthy snacks on hand at all times
take metformin regularly

I guess that's all I really can do.

Career Choices

Why should certain people feel better than others about their career choices?

A teacher should be grateful for a doctor's knowledge when they find her cancer early, but a doctor should be grateful for a teacher's empathy and patience that allowed her to teach him the very basics that allowed him to advance in the field. Those who can, do, and those who can but don't want to, teach. Everyone is so impressed by titles like "forensic anthropologist" but no one is that impressed by the title "artist". However, the minute you add something in front of the artistic title like "sketch artist" or "physical therapist" instead of just plain therapist, people get impressed. I wonder why? Is it because they believe that it requires no "real life" skills to be a psychologist or a painter? Most people couldn't paint a pretty picture if their life depended on it, they don't have the three dimensional skills to do so.

It just pisses me off. Why can't we all live in peace?

Drugs

Today was the date of my first official drug deal. It wasn't for me, and it wasn't for anybody I know. 30 years from now I may find that stupid. Oh well. I didn't get caught. I didn't get in trouble.  It was only $20 worth of weed. I really want to smoke it, now that I have it, but you know. Can't do that, because I'm being randomly drug tested by my parents.

Drugs aren't even that bad. I know everyone thinks that I'm being innocent and other things, but weed doesn't even matter. You can't really overdose on weed.

College

So I have pretty much made the decision to go to West Chester University. I am an undecided major, but am thinking of updating my major to psychology. It's something that's always interested me, and besides having obvious personal ties to the field, I believe I have something to contribute to the world as a psychologist. I just spent an hour looking at the psychology major on College Board. It looks really interesting. I think I could thrive. I just emailed the office of admissions about changing my major.


My headphones are so broken. They are duct taped together. I have to scrunch up my shoulders to let the right one lay against my ear so I can even hear it.

This song is stuck in my head. I guess I'm just going through some kind of cute guy emo song phase or something.